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Friday, May 18, 2012

Hey, whaddya gonna do?

Today I found out the exact day that Cameron leaves.  And, no I will not tell you...unless he says I can.  I am at a loss for words as to how I describe that feeling.  The feeling of it finally sinking in.  The feeling that it's really happening.  The feeling of certain uncertainty.  How do you stay strong when all you want to is break down?  I've known this day was coming for a long time now, so it shouldn't be such a shock to me, but to know the actual day that the love of my life will leave me for 9 months is a little heart-stopping.  The logical side of me says hey its his job and he has to do what they ask of him so he can provide for his family.  And I'm happy knowing that he's doing what he wants to do and not some boring job he hates.  But the emotional side of me is screaming on the inside and questioning whether or not I'm strong enough for this.  This is the relationship test of a lifetime.  I'm not worried that I will fail, just worried knowing that things will be very different.  But ready or not, my time is coming.  I know I'm not alone, and I have all the support in the world from family and friends but sometimes it's hard being this far away when all you want is a shoulder to cry on, someone to help you up when you totally break down, a hug from your mom.  I'm trying my hardest to stay strong in front of Cameron and to let him know that he can do his job without worrying about me.  I try not to be emotional about this because I know he doesn't need to see that.  He needs to see me supporting him and encouraging him to do his best and come home safe with all his fingers and toes.  And he needs to see that I am proud of him.  I hope he sees that.

My confidence is shaky right now, but not all is lost for this chick! 

I think the anticipation might be worse than the actual time away, but I may be speaking too soon.  We'll see soon enough I guess.



These are two of my favorite pictures of us, ha:



3 comments:

  1. Kristen....you are strong and you can do this. We are so proud of you and Cameron for the sacrifices you are both making. You will get through this test and be even stronger when it's over. Hugs and kisses to you both! Mom

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  2. I have no doubt that you can do this. You are strong! It's okay to take moments and just cry it out. It's okay to take moments to be completely irrational. Then you dry your face with a tissue and continue on until you need another moment. You're not alone! I'll be praying for you

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  3. Basically everything they said. You will get through this, just like you have gotten through every other test you have had to endure. I love you so much, you are so strong, and I'll be here to remind you even when it doesn't feel like it. Give Cameron a hug for me, I love you both so much.

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